It’s Christmas morning, 2018

It’s Christmas morning, 2018 

For a change, the sky is blue with plenty of white and gray clouds passing by, it’s been rainy and cloudy, seems like days. Most days the mountains are obscured from my view were covered behind a thick coating of fog. The weeks leading up to Christmas had more snow falling, a lot, at one point, the temperatures yoyo’d and had the most recent snow fall started to melt under the suns warming temperatures, which then had the maple tree outside the bathroom window, once so thick with snow, looking like snow flower blossoms at the end of each twig.

The list of things accomplished since 8:30 am this morning, cranberry sauce, ticked off the list, the celery and onions with spices are cooling in the cast iron pan. The turkey legs are sitting in the roasting pan on parchment paper with water underneath it, has yet to completely defrost, the lid on to seal it closed got placed in the stove for storage space convenience. The bread for stuffing is not all quite dry on some sides, lies on parchment paper on the cloth covered washing machine in the front room.

Dishes are drying and yet there seems to be another small pile waiting for a wash, scattered around the stove and counter. The floors look like they could use a good sweeping. Laundry waits to be done, sheets need to be changed and I need a bath. Which is the last thing on my list with a  glass of wine and a good soak with the smells of dinner evoking, which I anticipate to be mouth watering in it's effects, something to look forward too.  I have the 'classical Christmas choral music' on in my room, streaming from a site called  'accuradio' https://bit.ly/2QVfp8e and cbc radio playing Canadian singers classical Christmas music in the kitchen, its playing on an old cell phone that had a built in FM radio stations. Charge the battery and Bob's your uncle it is still playing the stations I like. 

I am drinking coffee with some Bailey’s Irish cream. A tradition started by a dear departed friend who for like 25 years would always put it my Christmas stocking. So this year in honor of some traditions I bought myself some baileys and brandy for eggnog, to watch the Grinch who stole Christmas, another tradition started at a place of work with a former colleague and friend, her and I kept the tradition going which was once started in a bar/restaurant we worked at for several years. Invited were the staff, friends of and punters to watch the Grinch on the big screen and drink eggnog on offer. For 30 minutes or so adults of all ages were mesmerized by the animation performing before them.

 

I stopped working on Dec.21 and spent my time ticking things off my list, and we are almost at the finish line before I have to make a new to do list. There are always lists, I operate on lists. Organizing and changing my office around is on the list, giving each room a good spring cleaning, on top of the list. Finding a monthly housekeeper more importantly is my wish list. For today though it will be presentable by dinner. I may be celebrating alone, I do however deserve to treat everything with care and respect. For I am worthy of all that, I tell myself. 

I am on my 3^rd cup of coffee and Bailey’s and now I have to go peel and prepare vegetables. I’ve moved the drying bread onto a box, so I could throw a load of laundry in and swept the kitchen floor.  I am hoping for three weeks off. But I think it will only have two. I have paid March’s rent to be on the safe side, that was on my list back in September to pay 3 months advance rent for a minor advantage to unforeseen eventualities. I included hydro in that list. While Government payments each month for certain tax brackets pay for internet/phone bill. It feels good to feel some accomplishments in a form of a temporary reprieve; of worry and financial lists. Now I have to prepare for summer. As there is no work for seven weeks in total throughout, makes it hard to plan by the end of June. So, because of the roller coaster hours offered my way, I have learnt to plan ahead. The peace of mind, is priceless, I have to say .  Without meaning too, I have cocooned my world to only include me things to do.

My social engagements are up to and only include shopping of needs and an occasional hangout with a colleague or two. With my own projects keeping me busy I just don't feel the need to pencil more in. I did find myself in a second hand shop, the other week. Estrie Aid, a huge size like ware house of neatly displayed used items, and if you know where to look, quality items can be found.  I came out of there with 8 office tops, 3 dresses, 2 pair of shoes, some Christmas coffee mugs and plates, and a 17 inch monitor for better movie viewing than my laptop. I was so very pleased, as a colleague I am friendly with and I shopped in contented harmony. We started our journey that day in a packed French boulangerie,

Les Vraies Richesses

very popular, located on King Street, not far from where I live. I buy my cheese bread and coffee beans there. 

After the exhaustive weeks of 45/50 hours a week of work.  I was content to stay at home. All my families have plans each year. One goes to in laws in Florida the other goes to other relatives. I don't have to travel, its a plus for me.  My tree has been decorated since the first weekend in December, every window has lights streaming, and I changed and refreshed my green wreath with a new look and fresh new set of lights. I bought globes since the summer and have collected 4 with the fifth one being a mix of turn on light switch with a snow globe Santa scene inside.  The fourth plays music if U turn the knob underneath. I shake them up all up one at time, I love to watch the snow swirl around and fall.

 Right now the snowflakes are falling outside my kitchen window in a tiny glitter like form. It's like a big outdoor globe. With trees and mountains as the back drop and roof tops to draw you to it.  A wood pecker was spotted searching the branches on the maple tree outside my bathroom window. Marley, my ever loving, and faithful, is lying on the cushion I had placed for her on a piece of wood to rest it on top of the radiator that is now the level with the window sill. She likes to look out there and now she’s curled up for sleeping, lifting her head up enough to yawn at me as she watched me walking by to my room. 

My laundry in the dryer, my third cup of bailey coffee is cold. I am a bit ahead of schedule on my plans for today. I walked over to the tree and turned on the lights. I had added my traditional box of candy canes with my eggnog and choir music last night. I throw the candy canes out, after, their dollar store bought and goodness knows with what fake products went into making them. These days I am starting to feel guilty about the landfill crap I am contributing too. I can’t believe the amount of geniuses' we have and no one has a designed a solution for all that landfill to dissolve or reuses. We are so regulated we can barely breath and yet the Government won't regulate industry who produces  products with packaging that is not recyclable.  This is especially includes the food industry and restaurants. The grocery stores who are adding plastic wrapping to our vegetables like zucchinis, under what kind of carton material it sits on while waiting to be purchased, that plastic is not BPA free, so more chemicals are touching our food and our land growing it, is equally questionable.   Today’s world is not looking honest. Healthy or progressive in it's dealings with one another. Values continue to be on opposite spectrums.

I don't see me taking on industry anytime soon, not in this life time, at any rate. What I can control... is my own awareness.   Since I’d like to be a great, great grandmother, one day. I had better make use of caring, about what I am putting into my body and learn to reduce my waste. I make my own facial scrub of organic brown sugar, honey, and olive oil. Plaster that on your face while you are soaking in your weekly Epsom bath and you feel so refreshed. I bought Henna. It's still in its experimental stage.

I've been making small steps. I removed all plastic containers and replaced my plastic bags with Bpa free plastic bags. I replaced my kettle with stainless steel, Bpa free also.  I bought glass storage ware to put my food in with Bpa free lids. I am looking into mesh like bags for grocery shopping my fruit and veggies in, instead of loose in a carriage; picking up goodness what kind of extra germs or using their plastic bags. I no longer use foyle for cooking as small particles that the eye can not see, seep into our food while cooking. However it is not proven to evoke any release to the food when its used wrapping room temperature food or used for cold storage. So I cook with parchment paper.  Until I find out I am doing a disservice.

That's the thing about reading all the time, is, you become a little like an intellect. Forever adjusting what was once understood, to what is now understood. We are so bombarded with information, that you have to fact check  everything, first, before getting behind the idea or concept. There is no more honour system, we live in a world that is filled with 'out for themselves'.

I am mostly a veggie, protein eater, not so much a seafood or meat eater.  Most times I will eat what is in front of me, I just don’t buy it for myself on a regular bases. The Christmas Office party served up a chicken breast stuffed with something, my ears didn’t want to hear. I think they said deer and cranberry, but I was translating from French to English. I hoped I was wrong as I had later forgot about it when I had tried the meat in front of me. Quite tasty I have to say, whatever it was.

I did look fabulous in a 40% off suzy sheer red dress. I had my hair blown dried and curled and sprayed some purple in my hair. The jewelry matching the dress and 40’s style shoes in black with some mauve strip across, had me styling.  The volunteer party planner, had the company's camera she was taking photos, when we first arrived. 
I came with four bags of goodies. One was for the Moisson Estrie food bank. Every company, I have worked with, if they didn't have this in place already, I ask them to put it in place. Like I did with the man who calls me and offers me work all the time. I inquired about it back in November 2017 if they had it in place. So he talked to the owners and I gave them the contact name and number to set it up. The other 3 bags were for the people who helped me all year long to do my job as best as possible. The wine went to the man who offers me work each week, and the rest came in shapes of boxes that had ribbons already on them, I went for no wrapping required concept. I suck at wrapping...and I heard it's not recyclable. I gave Some ornament's filled with chocolate and tiny boxes of chocolate.

 As I write this I kind wish I was a baker and crafty person, and make all these things myself.  Guess who's good with living with guilt...I admire those who have the talent for it.
Next year, who knows..  HoHoHoHoHoHo...Time to go home.

One of the owner/partner's, son had heart surgery when he was very young, and will be doing so, again, now that he is a teenager. So, every year since, being a father, he runs for Courir en Coeur to raise funds for children who need this life saving operation, that saved his son. This year I took up the cause when I heard the story of his son. I talked some colleagues into walking with me and we accepted the challenge. It was held at a beautiful park connected to Lake Magog, it was breath taking.

 I have passed by the drying bread a few times and have been cubing a few pieces up at a time, mixing them around to dry them out quicker. These days I can’t look at myself in the mirror, which I pass in front of two on the way to the bathroom. One is strategically placed so I can see who is at my door from the kitchen entrance, the other to see the sky reflected.

 My hair was cut far too short in comparison to the picture I showed the hairdresser over at Elle et Lui. I curse that woman’s name every time I catch a glimpse, the sentiment hasn't worn off yet. It is going to take years to grow it back to medium length, again. Or the moan and groan suggests. Thank goodness for hats.

I started to chop up more celery and onions to add to a load of butter with sage and thyme, a hint of red peppers, salt and pepper, as I had more bread then I thought. The bread all cubed I pour the butter stock into the two bowls and add some hot water and veggie stock to the stuffing gluing it together a bit at a time placing it all in bowl. I have the turkey legs sitting on parchment paper,  fresh water underneath it, I sprinkled some salt, thyme, sage and butter, onions on the legs. I have peeled the carrots, a turnip, a sweet potato, and halved the one white potato already I place them in. Sprinkling them with spices and butter. I placed a parchment paper across the legs and veggies and turned over the stuffing it fell out of the casserole bowl perfectly, tightly wrapping and tightening the parchment placed it in on top and put on the roasting lid. I’ve shut the coffee pot off and eaten some toast, and been drinking water. 

I retire to the bedroom to watch some Christmas shows. Rest for a minute is penciled on the list. I picked Coronation street and Emmerdale to amuse me. I walked around to all six windows that have streaming lights and turned them on. I turned on the candle globe and the candles in the kitchen that have switches. There this one candle I bought over at Rossy's that turns, swirling glitter around while the lights change colors. I sent one to my mom, I thought she love it. At 4:30pm I started up the lavender oil bath. I started to smell the food cooking. I took out the vegetable and placed them in a beautifully carved pink and white ceramic bowl. The lid had a gap for a soup ladle. So I put parchment paper over before placing the lid. I put the oven on to 475 having  poured out half the liquid into a measuring cup and the stuffing now sitting in a cast iron pan with a borrowed lid over it keeping it all warm. After some periodic pours the Turkey legs looked perfectly brown. Everything was ready except the gravy. I poured myself a glass wine and did some dishes.  

  

I wanted the cleanup to be painless and short. CBC choir music belting out from this tiny old cell phone radio, the neighbor gone for the holidays. I have to say so far he is the perfect neighbor, as he knocked on my door to say he was leaving, 'sorry the snow won’t be plowed'. I nod, and say,’ now worries’, I’ve got this. He leaves a broom out so he or I can sweep the bird seeds shells  that manage to scatter on to his balcony from my bird feeders above. He doesn’t mind in the least he says as it’s for a good cause. I plan to refill and sweep everywhere in two days time. He doesn’t hear my daily life like the previous neighbor did, and says he is slightly deaf, bless his young heart, but thank goodness for small mercies. I have risen back into the decent neighbor ranks again. 

I poured the wine in the only, Crystal glass, I have. I had bought three of them, over at one of my favorite second hand shops to shop at. 'Alladins'. I wrapped up the other two in a box and gave them to the colleague who always invites me out for shopping and such and helps me up the stairs when I am over loaded. Like the time I bought an office chair back in October. We were invited within the company, to a Halloween theme sales event, at Maison Bureau en Bureau, on Galt street. Each given a $75.00 gift certificate if we attended. So off some of us went to see what we could take advantage of. I came out with 3 free couch pillows and a discounted office chair. ..That needed assembling. So my colleague and I lugged the box up my stairs. I in the end called my landlord and paid him $30.00 to assemble the chair as I had no clue even with the instructions. I knew I was over my depth when I couldn't get a simple castor wheel to stay on without falling out. It was worth every penny to have him do it, he left three times to get different tools, he even had to make holes, he said they hadn't properly prepared the chair, but he proudly sat in it demonstrating to me it's finish, as I was on the phone with a client, my head set on.  I was nodding my pleasure at his accomplishment, as he suddenly appeared in front me from behind the curtains, slamming the wheels onto the floor as he gleefully sat on it, mouthing 'it's all done' in french, wheeling himself around. I had been hiding out in my room, curtains drawn, so he couldn't see me. I left the radio on in the kitchen, intentionally chose a french station, so he could listen to that, as I worked with my clients list assigned to me for the duration. 

I put lavender oil in along with baking soda and sea salt in the bath. The bluetooth speaker playing the classics. I was sporting after, my new to me, , a lovely housecoat.It's a long Christmas blue with woven designs, stitches of reds and golds threads, throughout, the label read Jade. With slippers on my Christmas fest ready, I spooned a little bit of everything and placed it on my large plate pouring gravy and adding cranberry sauce as the final touches, grabbed my glass of Merlot, and went off and watched the classic Scrooge with Seymour Hicks 1935 Charles Dickenson wrote ‘ I have endeavored in this Ghostly little book to raise the Ghost of an idea which shall not put my readers out of humour with themselves, with each other, with the season,  or with me. May it haunt their homes pleasantly, and no one wish to lay in it.’ Their faithful friend and servant Charles Dickenson. December 1843…

Dessert was hot chocolate with a hint of Cayenne pepper and maple syrup. Delicious.... Supper was over, the mounds of food left over put away to sort out tomorrow. At 10:pm  I went around to all 6 windows and shut off the battery operated lights, I have a huge pile of used batteries, I have collected and are ready to hand off to somewhere that they take them. Mine is at, Home depot, I do believe. I turned off the break switch to the Christmas tree and turned over the Christmas lamps.  I was in bed with my comedy all set to watch, the timer on that shuts my laptop down, while I am sleeping. I am cozy tucked in,  my eyes closed listening to a show, when it started the needle sharp piercings inside my left ear. I ow’d and aw'ied each time and went whimpering down my steps to head to the bathroom for a solution. I tried mineral oil and cleaned it out. I tried a warm cloth to the ear and cursed myself for not having a simple thing like Tylenol in the house. It took hours to sleep but I did in the end. It was still,  a successfully   Merry Christmas.

Boxing day had me chopping up slices of real ginger and some slices of lemons, I don’t even bother taking the skins off. I put them in with a cup on water on the stove, cook it on medium low to extract all the flavors and benefits into the water. After a couple cups of coffee it was ready. I strained ¼ cup of the ginger/lemon water into a cup and poured 2/3 hot water from the kettle and added plenty of raw honey. After drinking that the inflammation in my ear calmed itself and stopped it’s pain. Crisis adverted. 

Now what am I going to do with all this food…Freeze and soup. I think.  It take a while but I am on board with you can always celebrate the holidays and make it your special day too even if it's for one. I didn’t feel alone once this year, just very blessed.  I didn’t feel like I was missing out by being around any particular persons. Which is a huge improvement, to the past Christmas’s where I have cried myself to sleep. If you even in the smallest of measures have the means to make a holiday fun is some special way, then you should do it, I'd say; in the end it becomes more about where you think happiness comes from. So I danced a lot around the house, listening to great music and classics. Admiring all the pretty lights every where I turned. Inside and out of the house... I love twinkling lights, it never gets old.

    
Staying present in the moments is a present in itself. 

I find that as the days, weeks and months go by, that we evolve in our feelings and thinking, as new information ways in to its parts changing the knowledge altering the former understanding. Some things do take time to resolve with in itself, and  it isn't going to find a speedier solution to its process at receiving a peaceful end. By any one yelling, 'get over it, let it go, sick and tired, forgive,' crazy, deranged, or any another antidotes hurled out with an air of being an expert in all matters. Which I experienced on the other end of the telephone after sharing an article I'd seen and wanted to discuss it. Since the mile in my shoes has never been walked in not for even a second of the trauma's that I have endured, that haunt me in their ghostly ways. I am unlikely to think it's a right of anyone to comment on the healing process and progress.
So being nostalgic or curious about how others I once knew and how they are now doing in their life, has lost it's appeal and has been put in its proper place, especially if there has been any memories of emotional scandals, upheavals and traumas' of any kind, reflected and remembered while sharing time. 
Scratch beneath all of it and focus on one  thicket filled with poison thorns on each end. My only focus and responsibility, I think.  To unravel it's mysterious and heal a broken brain and gain some maturity.
 Everyone I have ever met, has contributed to my growth, whether positively or negatively.  So incorporating all that, my journey now a days has been to put things in its proper prospective. Give those their dues and thanks, no matter what came of the outcomes. Safe guard my own sensitivities and move on humbled by it all, is all I intend on seeing or doing with all this reflection. Finding cures on removing the poisons accumulated like roots dug down deep, its part of my quest for peace. Part of healing process for me is saying, I believe in Karma, knocking on your door. The irony is no one is exempt, as it is mirrored back to them...I too have, felt the effects of being contrite, the day of reckoning...surely comes...Who hasn't felt the effects for the actions they have done in the past...and therefore, like me, may have that one person that makes them say, 'I believe in justice. I am only interested in knowing one person got their come up ins'...
Still, living a happy life in spite of it all, is what truly captures the spirit of living, life that was once given to you...Finally seen as a blessing...

    

I went down to fetch the mail and picked up the fourth Christmas card I received this year and threw out some table scraps in a bag that I keep in the freezer for the box the city provides.  I was late in sending out my Christmas cards this year. My store order got tangled up with the Canada post being on strike. I swept the balconies and refilled my bird feeders. My mother called me around 6:30pm to wish me a Merry Christmas, she caught me up on the family news and what she's been doing. I love it when she calls, she has such a great laugh. Sometimes though, I don't understand every word she is saying, she gets caught up in the telling of it and forgets I don't get the slang she uses, they are the ones that get me lost. I get the jift of it though, but I find her voice is so soothing; a comment or two from those I have met in my life have noted the same gift in me. Suggesting recordings, they like to be the ones listening too it. I am trying to work it out on how I can best fulfill their requests and suggestions. Nice to know, though.
Smiling, as I finish the call with my mother, we had covered every subject on our journeys and shared opinions on things we've read wondering about the resolutions. I thought of the love for the friends I have, the way we can hit on any topic and keep up with one another.   How it is a safe space, to say anything, with respect, patience and love, like I have with my mother. 
Thank you my lovelies...               

As the days are leading me up to the New Year, 

I wish for every ones homes, be filled with Blessings’ 
May 2019 bring you good Cheer, Health, Happiness and Prosperity. All the best to you and your loved ones…
Hope you get to make some new memories that will keep you smiling for years to come. 

Until next time stay steadfast and true to you. Xo