Finally Easter Sunday,

in Sherbrooke city, 2019.  Is coming alive, with cinema offers,

 

 Festival cinéma du monde de Sherbrooke

Apr. 1 – 30, 2020

La Maison Du Cinéma, 63 Rue King Ouest

Sherbrooke, QC

Maple syrup with snow is on offer and  some festivals announced for June like the following

Sherbrooke t'en bouche un coin

Fri., Jun. 7 – Sun., Jun. 9

Parc Jacques-Cartier, 220 Rue Marchant

Sherbrooke, QC

and the
 

Classique Pif

Mon., Jun. 24 – Sun., Jun. 30

Centre Julien-Ducharme Sports Complexe, 1671 Chemin Duplessis

Sherbrooke, QC

For the past 44 years, the Classique Pif has been presenting exciting slow-pitch games and thrilling activities (fireworks, shows, inflatable games, etc.).

Garden suggestions like soil are being stored outdoors, and terraces are slowly dragging out their outdoor furniture with umbrellas put no signs of arranging them yet. The gardens, on most lawns still hold the signs of winter snow, slowly melting with all the spring rain, washing the dirt with the streets activities and the ongoing general traffic to and from. The stores have started washing their windows as well as some neighbours, I spied doing the same the other day. Crops of greenly flowers like tulips are pushing through the soils, that have erased all signs of winter. 

The maple tree looks ready to blossom as the clusters are starting to look fatter and redder. I watched a crow, actually showing pure joy as it was coming back and forth to the maple tree to pick the perfect branch, for the nest it was building. As I watched the scene unfold

I couldn’t help but notice the intelligence shining out of the crow’s eye as it leaned over and picked up the branch with it’s beak, making some kind of gurgling happy sound from it’s throat. 

  The outside noises of nature activities, motors and persons' stopping to talk to neighbors' they haven't seen all winter, waffled there way up though my windows of the second floor building I work and live,  I had gleefully had thrown open the windows for a couple days and nights as the temperatures warmed up and the heating system shut off.

 I had the ceiling fan and ground fans going in my room already the temperature read 24c and we were only morning. Although the joy of feeling the sun wouldn't last for long, as rain, wind, and small grains of snow have given us bleak conditions for a while as we find ourselves nearing the end of April.

I wish I could describe the birds that kept popping up on the hydro pole beside me as I was hanging out on the balcony, for the third time since the winter panels have come off. I have taken far too many pictures to sort through as it sings and its feathers flow out in harmony. I don’t want to miss a moment of being the witness to their visits and songs.

I go through it every year, I feel so much appreciation to be able to enjoy the outdoors again I take pictures of how it makes me all feel, like a witness with fresh eyes and a new prospective. The first two early morning coffee starts, were cloudy and cold as I bundled up and carried blankets and cushions. 

Today, it’s blue skies with a few white clouds floating by. The sun is feeling stronger as the hours wore on.  I noticed that the birds, like some people, don’t want to share the same space and they either take off or chase off. I can hear the wind chimes as they chimed gently to and fro with the wind beside me. A distant passer by's voice pipes up, as people start coming out of their homes. An occasional car door closes as an engine starts up. A faint sound of Sirens, a sound that has become all to familiar lately.I decide to hang up a tarp covering the east side of the balcony, blocking the view of a parking lot and the building directly into everyone’s windows.

I never use the south side of the balcony because of lack of privacy and I realized in that moment that it is so true that solutions only come when it’s ready too. I took down and replaced the addition I add to the short gate, it's too easy for Marley to climb up and over so I then had to add a wooden garden adjustable, that's really for climbers in one's garden.

April 14^th, Sunday, was my Birthday, my Sherbie friend and colleague, called me and asked if I wanted to go clothes shopping over at Estrie Aide.

While I was browsing, I found a whirlpool chrome and black fridge at, Estrie Aide, for $275 and I went back and bought it the next day, My Sherbie Friend, offered to pay for it and have me give the money back. I politely declined, I wanted to crunch the numbers on my own. 4 days later the leaking fridge of water was finally taken away. I watched the two men, struggle with it down those narrow flights of stairs, they had to let it slide down the rest of the way.

Then, came, the horror...of finding out that they couldn’t get the new fridge inside the back door and that a technician, was the only one authorized to take the doors off.  I said to myself, 'hell no,' and I called the landlord and told him of the situation and he came out and followed them up the stairs to my door and opened the fridge doors to allow them to balance their way in. Phew, I was so relieved the situation was resolved, I tipped them with all the cash I had on me, $30.00; and offered to pay the Landlord for his time, which he declined.

After clothes shopping on that Sunday, we went to the Continental buffet, on Belvedere south, on the side of the Mall. It was absolutely delicious, with a glass of Margerita. The day had started with such promise of blue skies and sun shinning I watched it fade, from the car, it was in full force of wind and rain by the time we sat down at table by the window.

I dropped into Super C and picked myself up some yellow daffodils and red wine to take back home and then sent my Sherbie friend a Thank you card.

The way this new fridge is designed with chrome and then a thick black covering on the top of the door frame and  it curves inward, with a deep insert are for your fingers to use as a door handle, and the same for the freezer under the door of it, when it's closed it looks like a smiling face fridge. I should take a picture of it...

I was listening to music, and enjoying a glass of red wine on Good Friday, I had one more 6 hour work day to go through before my weekend officially started, so 1-1/2glasses would have to be my limit.  I toasted the success of another item that had finally been ticked off my list. I made myself a plate of steamed asparagus, whole mushrooms, brussels, corn with some toasted cheese bread from the boulangerie and used dipping sauce of mayo, sour cream, garlic, parsley, tarragon, cumin, cayenne, black pepper and paprika. That was nice.

Though, with one great success, comes the fall of another, only to discover the next day, while chasing after the mouse cover that rolled under the bed. One of the rods cracked off the frame and was hanging on the floor, and with no tools to melt metal to reconnect it all, along with some spokes I noticed, that have too broken off, this metal futon has started to deteriorate 5 years after I bought it from Walmart.  So I put it on the list. Although my glasses are suppose to be next I am hoping I won't be sleeping on the floor while it waits its turn.

I looked up from keyboard as I heard a chickadee talking, he came to visit, it seemed to be saying hello and looking at the black seeds I have sitting in the feeder. He jumped on to one of the many collections of sticks I have for tomatoes and I swiftly took up the cell phone camera turned it on and took some photos.

The sky was completely blanketed as I look around at it, into its white form with large white graying clouds sprawled all over it. The sun was gone, and grey signs indicated showers. I then decided to fill my pockets with phones, and a little radio I brought out, my computer mouse, gathered my laptop, keyboard, cushion and blanket heading and was heading in. As I was reaching to open the door, two geese flew over head, east of me, I could hear them talking to each other. I so love spring…

When I was along Wellington North to drop off my taxes, and then along Wellington South towards Estrie Aide to pay for the fridge I had decided to go and buy. I noticed that the Hotel Wellington had a new name that I couldn't read and some crafty faces were hanging, displayed on the windows. I don't know what is happening with the building at this point, I do wonder after the court order to prevent the demolishment of the building, whether the city bought it up...

The night of my Birthday, I sat with a bottle of red wine and drank two glasses out of the only crystal glass whilst I talking on the phone,for over two hours with a friend, up in the Laurentides, area of Quebec. We made plans for me to go spend a few days at her country home, that she and her husband designed and built on a water front property.They offer boating and swimming. It'll be a 31/2 hour or more journey to get there, but well worth it.

Sherbrooke has had plenty of flood water warnings lately as the warmer days for even a brief time, were over and the temperatures declined to gloves again. Rain, winds and tiny grains of snow have returned and the heat is back on in my rooms. The winds have been so strong that it's knocked many garden equipment about and scattered left over soil all over the place. The good news is the empty flower pots I bought at the dollars store that are designed to sit on top of the balcony railings have all survived and stayed in place. I am not sure though whether or not flood waters will effect anyone's properties. I have seen some amazing photos of the high levels of water.

My birth mom called me, at 9:35pm the night of my Birthday. She had a very deep voice on that I’ve never heard come out of her before. She wanted to share that she had made some decisions, one was that she didn’t want to spend time with a daughter and her children, and that it had gone as far it has meant to as a relationship goes. I said okay, that’s fine. 

She said, ‘how well do you really know people anyway?' I said, 'as much as they want you too, the rest is private'.    I was confused, as to why she was telling me this, and I asked if she had been drinking? She and I are alike that way we enjoy a glass or wine or two, oh okay, maybe three...

She answered that she was in bed and this is what she was thinking about. She jumped out of bed, determined to share some things with me. She said to me, your parents, they did the best they could for you.' I held in my breath and I froze it still inside of me, my brain let the words sink in, why would she think this? where is going with this?

It took a span of five years to tell her some stories, of what life was like growing up with out her. To my mind there is never justification for beatings, bullying or humiliating, neglecting, abandoning or imprisoning a child  for hours. or stating my unworthiness constantly,  a prison like environment was housing my mind, body and soul. My care giver, employed behaviours with such intimidation, terror, insults, demands and threats to keep me compliant.

Thinking on it later, a malignant narcissist in my case came in a form of an adoptive parent, she was lacking in empathy, exploiting me a child for her own agendas, she was grandiose, with a psychological need for power, she was insecure. There was a lack of consciousness, with a full on tyranny, authoritarian who made me feel unequal, internalizing all the wrong messages, unable to save myself, I had to untangle them years later.  This abuser targeted me behind closed doors while  portraying a false mask to the public, for years. She will never feel remorse for her cruelty or take accountability for inflicting such designs on me.

So in my mind those parents didn't do the best they could for me. So where is my caller going with this? I wonder.  She said, 'those stories you've told me, makes me wonder, how much do you really know someone? I wasn't there'. she said, 'well, I say, 'I wear my heart on my sleeve and not at the end of my toes, I can be thoughtful, kind empathetic and generous, that's all there really is to know. The rest of me is private, my decision to share. She responded by saying, 'some things are secrets and I am entitled to keep them'. There is never a good reason to share everything about yourself'. she said and then she stayed silent and waited for me to respond to that. I said 'okay, look, I am still willing to accept what you can give of yourself. Although it is complicated, I never meant to have your mind and heart in turmoil over the relationship. Nor did I expect to be misunderstood or judged at my expense, I mean with your opinions’.  She said she was being human. 'Then I think we have a language barrier or a memory issue', I said. 'I can see you are still so very uncomfortable, and it is sad, but reality. I don’t know what to do now? I only know I love you, I think you are wonderful and I have to respect the decisions you make for yourself.' 

I thought about how I have been dealt bad hands before, how I am not accepting mistrust or disrespect as acceptable anymore. I found my voice and it bring values.
'I wish you a good life and I am here, happy, and proud to be me. I am also proud to have met you, it has meant a lot and helped me grow in my life. Do you still want to have a relationship with me?' I ask her, as I sat up straight in my chair and held my breath I wanted my ears not to miss her words. She says 'Qui" we still can. I say 'bonsoir,' I have had enough of this call. 'Je t’embrasse, aussi' ..she always end our calls with ' Je t’embrasse'. I sat still for a moment reflecting on the call and the message she was trying to give me. She is never going to be ready to share her secret and share her first born with anyone other than with herself and me of course. I will never officially meet my sisters, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles; some of them I have already met under a 'friend from Sherbrooke, visitor;' life would be better with her in it with me, meeting them all with her.

But I have to face the fact that if I meet them, it's on my own, after her demise. I was 18 years old looking for 38 years for my blood family, am I giving up the little window that has opened? I think something has changed inside for me. I haven't worked out what that is yet...But I think I want to have contact now only on Birthdays and Holidays. I think we need to step back a bit on the relationship, she is 78 years old and something more than I understand, drives her.


I think the journey that sent her on this path, has made her feel like a secret of this kind, brings on judgments and questions into focus, far too big she feels that she can handle. I am only guessing, trying to walk a mile here…

I think it is important not to contribute to someone's stress levels, especially when  you see the possibilities of it occurring,  so why would you want to put yourself in that position.  It's staring at me straight in the eye, I can't ignore it...The need to find her has been done, and now motivations have changed. I am more independent then I was back then, when this quest all first started. As much as I like her, and enjoying knowing her, she made a decision about me a long time ago and I don't think she was ever prepared to be found. So here we are... Reduced to Greeting Cards...

'Look for the beauty in the journey',  a quote, I heard the other day, an artist had said it in a song to explain the painful times he met within his life. 'It was a good way, a positive way to look at things', he says. The other side to that quote is, there is always some pain somewhere in a story, if you really want to look for it and feed on it.  No one deserves pain, but it comes around and it visits from time to time. We all need to dig deep and find our inner strength to push through it, like the little engine that could...

I went to the clinic for a Pap test up on Belvedere South. It's been over 15 years now. I took a cab from IGA, I didn't want to climb up a hill in the drizzling rain. I had a pair of black and mauve 40's style heels on, with lacy leggings, a dress and jacket on, I'd come from the office by bus, after having a brief meeting with the boss, there was a Birthday present on his desk for me, so I stayed and ate lunch with my colleagues bringing in freshly baked cheese bread from Les Vrais Richesses, to share. A 50 minute wait for a bus on return trip. I shopped in at IGA first, for Marley and me...

The forms at the Doctors' were filled and an intern was doing the questioning and examining. Even in Kilos it sounds like I need to lose some more pounds, time to take that seriously. It's the lack of exercise that reflects my life style. Dance girl, dance... 
I made this female Doctor/intern, on her 5th year of education with five more years to go, blush... When she repeated, 'so you haven't had a sexual partner in this amount of years? and so you haven't had sex for this amount of time?  you do not have sex at all?' she asked,  I said, 'well, there are other ways to have sex, if I wanted too, I don't really need at partner for all that". At which point she stopped talking, looked at me, then at the floor, her cheeks turning a pink hue. With that being said, she  went on to cancer in the family. I relayed what I've been told. Well with my panties off and leggings folded on the floor, I squirmed about trying to get away from the cold steel that traveled inside and she pushed it in even deeper drawing me to pain. And I told her so...

 

She announced she was going to fetch the 'longer instrument' to perform her task, I though, 'she going to kill me off'. She kept saying, 'Sorry, so sorry,' I told her to get use to saying that a lot in your career. How has no one come up with better tools to perform these things?  Ugh...

Swabs and microscope preformed, I was on my way home, finally. I'll know in a month, if there is something...

I've come back from shopping at the 5ieme Saison on King street next door to Les Vraies Richesses. They offer fresh fish, and meat, fresh baked goods. The other day I walked in at the end of lunch hour and bought the last of their chicken brochettes with basmati rice, peppers and tomatoes with sauce poured over. parsley/tomato salad it was delicious. Today I picked up butter chicken sauce, added baby potatoes, asparagus, chicken breast and a piece of salmon in my cart. Later on at home I added all the shopping ingredients along with onions, zucchini, peppers, carrots, some whole garlic and some frozen corn and brussel sprouts, layered it all in a roasting pan, threw some grains of basmati rice in and put the meat and fish on top and poured the sauce over it, throwing red peppers on top and pouring vegetable broth with water on the side for the veggies, butter droppings all over, them, cumin and black pepper sprinkled.  The lid is on sealed and enclosed in 375C, cooking slowly for about an hour of so. I will certainly do this recipe next time with just veggies, throw some lentils in it too. It was delicious...

In the end, what will make us smile, is thinking of the all reasons to feel gratitude, and maybe, the yet s', haven't come to play out the way it was planned, but basics count, hugely, when living day to day. You accept, that some times the sun can only stream in part way, and that the effort is better than none at all...

April 29th 2019, The sun has finally shone again on Sherbrooke city, blue skies and puffy white clouds hanging around as the temperature slowly climbs out of the minus 0 feel. The maple tree outside the bathroom window, is swaying with the wind its cluster of buds catching the rays of the sun. Birds were flying by in pairs, some chasing one another. Marley can be found lying on her favorite spot by the window, she's eaten her breakfast of chicken.  I am going to go and clean up the balcony and arrange some space, preparing for a delivery of soil and fertilizer for the garden this week. I will be starting to work on the garden in the next couple of weeks or so, hopefully. However I will start the plants in doors this year as I have a feeling that the sun is going to disappear for many more tomorrow's. I have to breakfast first, my coffee is done and do a bit of house keeping, I spied some Kleenexes under the bed, goodness knows what else I'll find in a minute, under there. I am a lousy housekeeper, I'd rather be doing anything else. Every once in a while I have to kick myself in the pants and get her done, for shame, for shame...

Every day in Quebec, the numbers are getting higher as more and more people are being evacuated from their homes, or being asked to leave them. Water levels everywhere have caused much heart breaks and concerns. I haven't heard where they are putting all these hundreds and thousands of displaced people until now, but I hope that everything will turn out okay in the end;  there is help and support, that they all so desperately need at this time of crisis. My heart goes out to them all. If anyone can volunteer their time or offer food and clothing, the Red Cross, I believe, is organizing and handling out needs. Bless

A little lullaby song I wrote 
Hush now
© LeeMarie’s  
When you’re feeling low or blue,
 I can sing you a lullaby or two... 
And I can tell you tales, of some lives and their pursuits. 
Imagining how, all those dreams of theirs came to be.  And while I stroke your hair, 
I can tell you why, they paid no mind,                             
as they stood so strong and true. 
So, hush now baby don't you weep, 
I can help you with some of those answers to the questions that you seek. 
And I can stay until you fall, deep into slumber... 
Rub your shoulders like I used to do back in the day for you.
 I can say they'll be days, when it feels like you're crawling about in baby steps... 
and it's while you wait and wait for a sign that one of  your dreams is taking shape.
 (skip versus in 3) go to Closing...
 Spread your wings far and wide,
 Feel the freedom on your sights.
 Say your prayers every night, 
Count your blessings with every brite. 
Close your eyes now...sweet dreams

  Well that's it for now, until next time...
Keep Active, Kind and True to you... xo